Do You “Qualify” To Participate In Valentine’s Day This Year?

February 10th, 2017

 

Valentine’s Day is upon us. Valentine’s Day is celebrated as the day of romantic love in our calendar year.  Sublime feelings and high expectations mark this day.  Diverse media and commercialization remind us to give our love partner romantic cards, flowers, candy, jewelry, and romantic dinners for two.

Will you be “participating” in Valentine’s Day this year?  Are you “qualified”? To find out, ask yourself the following questions with a YES or NO.

  1. I have someone in my life that I care about very much. YES        NO
  2. We regularly share the “L-word” with each other. YES        NO
  3. We are in a committed relationship. YES        NO
  4. Our love-making is special and consistent. YES        NO
  5. I will come up with a thoughtful romantic way to surprise my Special Person with expressed feelings of love.                        YES        NO
  1. We will celebrate Valentine’s Day with physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness.                                                                                 YES        NO
  1. One month later our relationship will faithfully endure with mutual feelings of trust and respect.                                                          YES        NO

 

Well, how did you do?  If you have no yesses, call Dr. Laura or me immediately!

 

If you have only one yes, make sure you read this column regularly to learn how to invigorate a relationship.  Try hard to be real, authentic, a “what you see is what you get” type of person.  This would be a good start in developing openness.

 

If you have two to four yesses, then the task is one of moving beyond maintenance to enrich and deepen your relationship.  Start with sharing your thoughts and feelings with your Special Person.  This will help develop trust in the communication process.

 

If you have five to six yesses, be grateful and continue nurturing each other.  Explore further intimacy and vulnerability.  Are you holding much back?

 

If you have seven yesses, you join the elite minority and are an inspiration to all around you.  Congratulations!

 

If this is a year without that Special Person, let your heart reach out lovingly and gratefully to a family member or friend.  You are not alone.  You may have some personal growing to do in order to get yourself in a position to be a romantic partner with someone.

 

If you “qualify”, Happy Valentine’s Day”!  If you don’t, please “qualify” next year. It is s better way to live!

 

“The unexamined life is not worth living”   Socrates

 

“8 Things Your Friends Would Never Tell You About Your Relationship”

January 29th, 2017

Are you perfect? Are you doing everything right with regard to your significant other love relationship? Doubt it! How would you know? Are your friends reliable, objective, and straight forward in giving you their perspective on such matters? Again, doubt it! So, to fill in the gaps and offer a perspective that you may not be in touch with, I present the following lesson, building on an article written by Brittany Wong which is the title of this writing. I embellish her eight points with my clinical observations.

  1. TALKING ABOUT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER BEHIND HIS BACK ISN’T GOOD FOR ANYONE. While venting to others may feel satisfying at the moment it may stop you from doing the actual work needed to work things out with your spouse. Plus, it feels like a violation to your S.O. when you reveal personal information. Also, it can be a bit awkward for all concerned when you bring your partner around these friends.
  2. YOUR IN-LAWS NEED TO BUTT OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE (I add parents, as well). You and your partner are family now, a joined unit. Your primary emotional bond needs to be with your partner. Don’t leak out damaging information and don’t let them come in behind the sacred walls of your united relationship. None of their business!
  3. STOP TRYING TO “FIX” YOUR PARTNER. More men than women typically do this. You need to stop hoping and believing the other person will change. You can offer up a wish or need to him/her and then see if this person will reflect on it and take on the responsibility to make such a change.
  4. YOU NEED TO COOL IT WITH COMPLAINING. Nobody enjoys being with a whiner! Focus on what is good and right in your discussions. If you have a genuine gripe or concern, state it briefly and move on from it to something more positive.
  5. GET A LIFE (outside of your marriage). Many couple lose their individuality in coupledom, co-dependency. These joined at the hip couples fold in on themselves. There is more to share with each other when each person has experiences separate from each other.
  6. IF YOU DISLIKE SO MANY THINGS ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE, WHY ARE YOU TOGETHER? First of all, maybe you did poor “due diligence” research in getting to know who this person was before you married him/her. And, once you have found out that this person has so many things “wrong” with him/her, you can work at developing a better relationship through marriage counseling. Or, if that is not possible, move on. Life is too short to stay with a “loser” who makes your life miserable. Just do better research next time!
  7. STOP TRYING TO GET EVEN. The “eye for an eye” mindset is a terrible way to live. Retaliation just escalates the relationship to an uglier level. If it is a major concern, address the issue assertively and respectfully.
  8. NO ONE NEEDS TO HEAR YOU ARGUE WITH YOUR PARTNER. The ultimate in tackiness, poor judgment, and insensitivity is to take your “dirty laundry” public. Stay behind closed doors with your nasty exchange. You look like fools doing it in front of others. You don’t need such embarrassment.

Respected Reader, certainly these are not all the things that well meaning trusted friends need to tell you, but probably won’t. Let these eight marinate in your mind and see if they apply to you – and open your reflections to other things you may need to be mindful of if you want the relationship of your dreams.

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

10 Sex Issues Couples Complain About To Marriage Therapists

January 21st, 2017

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

To Succeed You Need To Do These 20 “Hard Things”!

January 16th, 2017

This I believe. Most people want to lead a successful life. Success is defined by each person. Your “success” may not be my “success”. However each life of success involves doing certain things. I try to write about such efforts in various categories in my columns. Today I am sharing a perspective offered by March Chernoff. His Writing, entitled “20 Hard Things You Need To Do To Be Happy”, mentioned the following twenty. I think happiness and success are intertwined so I am focusing on the perspective of reaching success. And, yes these things can be hard but mediocrity is not acceptable. Chernoff says these “hard things” include the things no one else can do for you and that may even frighten you to do. I add my perspective to Chernoff’s.

  1. YOU NEED TO TAKE SMALL CHANCES EVERY DAY: With a perspective of taking chances you will peck away at any fear that may inhibit you.
  2. YOU NEED TO WORRY LESS ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU: One of my favorite all time expressions is “what you think of me is none of my business”. Chameleon personalities that turn whatever color is needed to be liked by another are not authentic and cannot be trusted.
  3. YOU NEED TO IGNORE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING AND ACHIEVING: Be your best self, developing your talents to the fullest, and get on with your successes.
  4. YOU NEED TO INVEST IN YOURSELF EVEN WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS: Prioritize your needs, develop a daily to-do list, and vote for yourself (without being selfish).
  5. YOU NEED TO WALK THE TALK: Talk is cheap. Take responsibility for making your goals a top priority. Do the grunt work.
  6. YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR HEART INTO YOUR WORK: Find your passion where possible and let that passion fuel your drive to success.
  7. YOU NEED TO DELIVER RESULTS, EVEN WHEN MAKING EXCUSES IS EASIER: Bottom line is “”git er done”! Cry babies and blamers do not succeed. Not your style.
  8. YOU NEED TO MAKE MISTAKES AND LOOK LIKE A FOOL SOMETIMES: I’m not very comfortable with this one. Yes, you will make mistakes and sometimes look like a fool but I’m not sure you “need” to do this or that it always happens. Here, I like this phrase, “I don’t lose, I learn”. Mistakes are just a part of the learning curve.
  9. YOU NEED TO LET GO OF YESTERDAY’S STRUGGLES: With your head turned backward it is hard to move forward, especially loaded down with that negative energy. Turn the page and create a new and successful chapter.
  10. YOU NEED TO REFRAIN FROM FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF: Pity parties serve no purpose. Mourn, let go, move on. Get the support and advice where needed to do so.
  11. YOU NEED TO TOUGHEN UP: Evolution is all about survival of the fittest. The weak fall apart and away. That can’t be you.
  12. YOU NEED TO FIGHT HARD FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN: If your goal is worthwhile you need to put that extra effort into attaining in. Be sure you know what you believe in and then develop the passion to go for it.
  13. YOU NEED TO BE PATIENT: Sometimes you can’t push your goal ahead if the time is not right. Readiness is a necessary component for moving forward. Thus, patience is needed.
  14. YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS BEFORE THEY TAKE CONTROL OF YOU: This is one of my favorites. I practice and teach this. You can do much to control your thoughts which affect your feeling which affect your behavior.
  15. YOU NEED TO BE POSITIVE: Stay away from negative thoughts and people. Being positive and optimistic greatly raises the probability of success.
  16. YOU NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE: Some research states that you are a composite of the five people closest to you. Choose wisely.
  17. YOU NEED TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF: Be assertive, without being aggressive. Learn how to “vote for yourself” without being selfish. Shrinking violets fade away and lose.
  18. YOU NEED TO FORGIVE EVERYONE WHO HAS WRONG YOU: Carrying around the negative energy of resentment just depletes you. But, also, develop a boundary from such people so that they may not do it again.
  19. YOU NEED TO REACH OUT AND HELP PEOPLE: Being cared for and caring for others go hand in hand. Activate your heart and reach out and touch.
  20. YOU NEED TO BE PRESENT ENOUGH TO ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY: Being present, focused, and attuned lead to greater connection within yourself and a deeper union with others.

Respected Reader, what is your reaction to these mandates? Why don’t you give yourself a score between one to ten (ten being the highest) and rate yourself on each. Perhaps even ask someone who knows you well to give their opinion.

“The unexamined life is not worth living”     Socrates

Are You Putting Your Marriage First? Ask Your Kids, They Will Tell You!

January 8th, 2017

In my profession I have learned a lot – to say the least! One of the more important things that has consistently shown up is that your marriage, if you choose it, needs to be your first priority – after taking your own well being and becoming the best SINGLE person that you could be.

Hopefully you have seen the value of optimal personal development. Few people do. If you decide you would like the marriage state then do your research, due diligence, as to what type of person is the best fit for you as you travel through life. If you are already married perhaps you can do some tweaking, or major reconstruction if needed, to get your marriage into good shape.

Thus, if you are married make your partner your priority. Develop a rich solid loving marriage. If you have kids, or plan or having them, let them see your bonded love – that you are a “we” in making decisions going forth. In doing this you will be giving your kids the best gift that you could give them. This “gift” is two parents who love each other and continually make thoughtful compromising decisions that result in a good marriage model and a solid security blanket for your kids.

I think one of the best compliments I have ever received is when our two kids, individually have stated, “Dad you guys always put your marriage first. We could not divide you for our personal gain when we were kids.  Ultimately this did give us security for which we are grateful.  You two are the role models for our marriage and family.” Wow, it doesn’t get any better than that! They have chosen good partners, have solid loving marriages, and are raising their children with the model they witnessed growing up.

To put your marriage first is to recognize and do the things that reflect that commitment. It may not be easy, but it is important with significant ramifications. Too often people put their job, kids, animals, friends, etc… ahead of their spouse. Costly mistake!

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates