Archive for the ‘Yourself’ Category

How Close Are You To Your Adult KIds? And Vice Versa?

Friday, February 24th, 2017

John J. Stathas, Ph.D., LMFT

Recently Sherry and I had a wonderful weekend with both of our kids, and their kids, visiting us at our home here at the Lake. I relished the mutual sharing, nurturing, and fun that the weekend encompassed. When they left to go to their respective homes I was reflecting on the experience and how wonderful it was. We are a close loving family! So fortunate.

My relished reflection led to this thought, do most adults in their more senior years have a good relationship with their adult kids? And, how do the adult kids feel about their parents? Too often in my practice I am working with the two generations to heal emotional distance that has occurred over time or by a recent unfortunate situation or event.

This emotional distance can come from either generational side. The adult parents may initiate this wall or the adult children may feel the need to establish a rigid boundary. The reasons often are complex. I would like to list a few of the reasons that I hear in my practice.

  1. Divorce
  2. Money issues
  3. Inappropriate behavior, past or present
  4. Advice giving, not requested
  5. Inability to nurture or connect emotionally
  6. Criticism
  7. Alcohol or drug issues
  8. Inability to forgive and move on

Certainly there are other idiosyncratic reasons for generational emotional distance. This list could provoke some thinking of why such distance exists. Identifying the issues is the first step in moving toward reconciliation, once the awareness that such emotional distance exists. Often an experienced Family Therapist is needed to mend the rift that exists. A lot of frustration, anger, and hurt are usually present – and defenses are high. However, the positive outcome of such efforts is well worth it – especially as Father Time moves on.

For those of you who are as fortunate as Sherry and myself regarding such love and closeness – cherish it and continue to build on it. Each generation can benefit from such a close connection.

“The unexamined life is not worth living”   Socrates

Do NOT Share Your Romantic Partner’s Failings With Others!

Wednesday, February 15th, 2017

A portion of my practice involves counseling romantic relationships. Some counseling sessions focus on the front end as couples come to me to see if they are a good fit for a lifetime of marital bliss. Others come toward the back end, sometimes too late, to discuss what is going wrong in their relationship. Oftentimes, one of the spouses, usually the male, will complain that his wife/girlfriend is talking about him and his perceived failings, with other people. He does not like this biased perception of his failings to be discussed with others. Less often it is the male partner that is the blabber mouth. In most all cases this is not a good idea.

Isabelle Bank had a short article in Psychology Today entitled “Love and tell”. In it she listed the most commonly shared topics by percentage. They are: growing apart (67.5%), not being able to talk together (66.3%), not getting enough attention (63%), a partner’s personal habits (58.8%), possibility of divorce (57.9%), infidelity (50.8%), in-law or relative problems (46.6%), household responsibilities (41.1%), sexual problems (37.7%), emotional abuse (31.5%), physical violence (27%).

Based on her survey Ms. Bank said that these confidantes were primarily friends, followed by siblings, coworkers, and other family members in that order. In my clinical opinion none of these should be called upon to hear the one-sided presentation of relationship woes. Perhaps there is room for one exception in some cases. That person is the heralded “BFF” – best friend forever. In most cases the BFF is the confidante of another female. She may have earned that designation based on being loyal, trustworthy, a good listener,  objective and non judgmental. Rare, but occasional.

Usually confidantes offer too much advice, usually poor, turn it around and focus on themselves, or speak too critically about the partner being discussed. Plus, once this confidante gets the “dirt” on the offender, she will look at him in a different light – and sometimes the damage is irreparable for future connection. Another factor of too open sharing is the resulting gossip. Relationship problems are some of the juiciest fodder for gossip.

Respected Reader, should you be in this situation where your relationship is not doing well and you want to share it with someone – someone who can make a difference – visit with a seasoned Marriage and Family Therapist one time. At such a session you can vent with vengeance, or hurt, and gain some insight as to a possible game plan to remedy the dysfunction present. Professional empathy, analysis, and advice going forward can be a rewarding outcome from a single session. It is a better choice that prattling with a girlfriend, or a buddy!

“The unexamined life is not worth living”  Socrates

Do You “Qualify” To Participate In Valentine’s Day This Year?

Friday, February 10th, 2017

 

Valentine’s Day is upon us. Valentine’s Day is celebrated as the day of romantic love in our calendar year.  Sublime feelings and high expectations mark this day.  Diverse media and commercialization remind us to give our love partner romantic cards, flowers, candy, jewelry, and romantic dinners for two.

Will you be “participating” in Valentine’s Day this year?  Are you “qualified”? To find out, ask yourself the following questions with a YES or NO.

  1. I have someone in my life that I care about very much. YES        NO
  2. We regularly share the “L-word” with each other. YES        NO
  3. We are in a committed relationship. YES        NO
  4. Our love-making is special and consistent. YES        NO
  5. I will come up with a thoughtful romantic way to surprise my Special Person with expressed feelings of love.                        YES        NO
  1. We will celebrate Valentine’s Day with physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness.                                                                                 YES        NO
  1. One month later our relationship will faithfully endure with mutual feelings of trust and respect.                                                          YES        NO

 

Well, how did you do?  If you have no yesses, call Dr. Laura or me immediately!

 

If you have only one yes, make sure you read this column regularly to learn how to invigorate a relationship.  Try hard to be real, authentic, a “what you see is what you get” type of person.  This would be a good start in developing openness.

 

If you have two to four yesses, then the task is one of moving beyond maintenance to enrich and deepen your relationship.  Start with sharing your thoughts and feelings with your Special Person.  This will help develop trust in the communication process.

 

If you have five to six yesses, be grateful and continue nurturing each other.  Explore further intimacy and vulnerability.  Are you holding much back?

 

If you have seven yesses, you join the elite minority and are an inspiration to all around you.  Congratulations!

 

If this is a year without that Special Person, let your heart reach out lovingly and gratefully to a family member or friend.  You are not alone.  You may have some personal growing to do in order to get yourself in a position to be a romantic partner with someone.

 

If you “qualify”, Happy Valentine’s Day”!  If you don’t, please “qualify” next year. It is s better way to live!

 

“The unexamined life is not worth living”   Socrates

 

“8 Things Your Friends Would Never Tell You About Your Relationship”

Sunday, January 29th, 2017

Are you perfect? Are you doing everything right with regard to your significant other love relationship? Doubt it! How would you know? Are your friends reliable, objective, and straight forward in giving you their perspective on such matters? Again, doubt it! So, to fill in the gaps and offer a perspective that you may not be in touch with, I present the following lesson, building on an article written by Brittany Wong which is the title of this writing. I embellish her eight points with my clinical observations.

  1. TALKING ABOUT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER BEHIND HIS BACK ISN’T GOOD FOR ANYONE. While venting to others may feel satisfying at the moment it may stop you from doing the actual work needed to work things out with your spouse. Plus, it feels like a violation to your S.O. when you reveal personal information. Also, it can be a bit awkward for all concerned when you bring your partner around these friends.
  2. YOUR IN-LAWS NEED TO BUTT OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE (I add parents, as well). You and your partner are family now, a joined unit. Your primary emotional bond needs to be with your partner. Don’t leak out damaging information and don’t let them come in behind the sacred walls of your united relationship. None of their business!
  3. STOP TRYING TO “FIX” YOUR PARTNER. More men than women typically do this. You need to stop hoping and believing the other person will change. You can offer up a wish or need to him/her and then see if this person will reflect on it and take on the responsibility to make such a change.
  4. YOU NEED TO COOL IT WITH COMPLAINING. Nobody enjoys being with a whiner! Focus on what is good and right in your discussions. If you have a genuine gripe or concern, state it briefly and move on from it to something more positive.
  5. GET A LIFE (outside of your marriage). Many couple lose their individuality in coupledom, co-dependency. These joined at the hip couples fold in on themselves. There is more to share with each other when each person has experiences separate from each other.
  6. IF YOU DISLIKE SO MANY THINGS ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE, WHY ARE YOU TOGETHER? First of all, maybe you did poor “due diligence” research in getting to know who this person was before you married him/her. And, once you have found out that this person has so many things “wrong” with him/her, you can work at developing a better relationship through marriage counseling. Or, if that is not possible, move on. Life is too short to stay with a “loser” who makes your life miserable. Just do better research next time!
  7. STOP TRYING TO GET EVEN. The “eye for an eye” mindset is a terrible way to live. Retaliation just escalates the relationship to an uglier level. If it is a major concern, address the issue assertively and respectfully.
  8. NO ONE NEEDS TO HEAR YOU ARGUE WITH YOUR PARTNER. The ultimate in tackiness, poor judgment, and insensitivity is to take your “dirty laundry” public. Stay behind closed doors with your nasty exchange. You look like fools doing it in front of others. You don’t need such embarrassment.

Respected Reader, certainly these are not all the things that well meaning trusted friends need to tell you, but probably won’t. Let these eight marinate in your mind and see if they apply to you – and open your reflections to other things you may need to be mindful of if you want the relationship of your dreams.

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

10 Sex Issues Couples Complain About To Marriage Therapists

Saturday, January 21st, 2017

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates

The sex life of couples is complex. Insight of millennium! It changes over time and situations, and is usually difficult for most couples to communicate about. It is a frequent issue in marriage counseling. Brittany Wong has chosen ten sexual topics that marriage therapists frequently hear during a counseling session. I will list them and add my commentary.

  1. NEITHER PARTNER WILL MAKE TIME FOR SEX: Example: he liked evenings for making love. She preferred mornings. Thus, nada. It happens. Also, when a couple is disconnected emotionally, or just plain worn out, time is not allotted for it.
  2. FETISHES ARE LAUGHED OFF OR TOTALLY DISREGARDED: Some people have some rather different desires for a sexual encounter. Some are really weird (my bias). Generally those that ask for fetishes are looking for an exciting (to them) romp, but it usually isn’t about making love.
  3. THERE’S A BREAKDOWN IN INTIMACY AFTER AN AFFAIR: Usually the non affairee, especially if it is a woman, will use sex as a weapon, usually cutting it off. (“cutting it off”?)
  4. THE MARITAL BED BECOMES THE FAMILY BED: When children sleep with their parents there usually isn’t time or place for couple sex. Personally I believe kids need to sleep in their own beds, with some family cuddle the morning after.
  5. THE DOG IS IN THE BEDROOM ALL THE TIME: I hear this one often and I cringe! Fido does not need to be in the bedroom.
  6. LESS EFFORT IS PUT INTO LOOKING SEXY: I’m not so sure that one needs to look “sexy” for good sexual relations to happen. However, keeping reasonably in shape and having good hygiene, including brushing teeth, make the invitation more persuasive.
  7. COUPLES AREN’T UPFRONT ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PREFERENCES: Who is on top? Bottom? Sideways? Around? How much foreplay? What is desired for orgasm.  Anybody blushing?
  8. SEXUAL SIGNALS ARE MISINTERPRETED: Example: “Honey, I’m going to bed” The person headed to bed meant that as an invitation for his/her partner to follow. The partner felt the other was just tired and ready to crash. The invitation needs to be a bit more clear. However, You’d be surprised how some overly direct vulgar invitations are spit out. Use your imagination on this one.
  9. EXHAUSTION OR BUSY SCHEDULES GET IN THE WAY: “I’m too tired”. “I’ve got too much to do”. I believe that time management and energy availability reflect priorities.
  10. SEX BECOMES PERFUNCTORY OR TOO BY THE BOOK: Enthusiasm and variety can make the sexual encounter more enjoyable and desirable.

Well, these are the ones listed by Ms. Wong. I could fill many more articles with what I have heard from couples with regard to their sex life. Maybe another time. Sex, money, and kids are the usual biggest conflict areas for couples. Any of the ten fit your situation?

“The unexamined life is not worth living”    Socrates