While doing my periodic perusal of Barnes and Noble I came across a book that caught my eye. It is called THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP (not sure if it was the “idiot” or “healthy relationship” words that beckoned me). Dr. Judy Kurianski is the author. The book is a good one with much valuable information for creating a solid and loving relationship. One chapter in particular invited me to go into greater detail. It is about compatability.
The chapter, “Are we compatible?” is excellent. I find this compelling because I am continually seeing people in my office who clearly are NOT compatible. I wish, for starters, that they had taken the “compatability quiz”!
The “compatability quiz” addresses twelve areas with sixty questions requesting an answer of “unimportant”, “desirable but not crucial”, and “essential”. The twelve areas, each having five clarifying questions, are: Physicality, Intellect, Emotions, Finances, Individualism/Independence, Spirituality, Work, Socialability, Communication, Sex, Life Habits, Family.
The book invites each person to answer the questions, add up the score, and then share the score and answers with his or her partner. Preferably this is done BEFORE marriage. If you are already married the quiz can still be useful in helping each person know his or her thoughts on these subjects. Such awareness is an excellent segue to further communication and understanding between you and your partner. This knowledge and attempts at communication may well lead to the realization that the relationship has significant troubling issues within in.
Perhaps, couples therapy would be the next step. Dr. Kurianski suggests that professional assistance is called for when:
- You are arguing more often than keeping the peace.
- One of you is unhappy most of the time.
- The two of you are not communicating well.
- You complain a great deal about each other to other people.
- The stress between the two of you if affecting other areas of your life.
- The problem between both of you has been going on for three months.
- You feel “stuck” or unable to change by yourselves.
- Other people point out that your relationship is in trouble.
This book has much more to constructively offer individuals and couples who want to expand their knowledge to help create a loving, enduring, and healthy relationship. All of us have a bit of “idiot” in us and would benefit from a book that helps us with one of the most important aspects of our life – our marriage!
“The unexamined life is not worth living” Socrates