Many enlightened people take stock of how they are living. You may be one of those. I hope so because I believe a continual evaluation of how you are living can be a catalyst to a better and richer life. Having quality relationships is essential for a life of happiness. Often there are personal idiosyncracies that inhibit the type of connection desired. The following is a checklist for you to use for assessing your barriers to quality relationships. Check the ones that fit you. You may even want to put a number from one to ten indicating the degree that it is a concern.
Low self esteem.
Addictions, compulsions, illness (mental and physical).
Prioritizing work over relationships.
Alienating or isolating tendencies.
Super independence from others.
Over dependence on others or co-dependency.
Worrying too much.
Social anxiety or shyness.
Feeling “different” from others.
Fear of rejection, abandonment, or being alone.
Fear of failure.
Fear of criticism, confrontation, or anger.
Oversensitivity, including defensiveness.
Excessive feelings of guilt.
Martyrdom or “victim syndrome”.
Frequently comparing self to others.
Unrealistic expectations toward self or others.
Take life or self too seriously, difficultly in having fun.
Rigidity, inflexibility, or controlling tendencies.
Chaotic or overflexible tendencies.
Not being able to take things seriously enough.
Procrastination or indecisiveness.
Extreme loyalty to others.
People-pleasing or approval- seeking tendencies.
Non-assertiveness (passivity or passive-aggressiveness)
Ignoring or not expressing self and own needs and feelings.
Caretaking or super-responsibility for others.
Aggressiveness or resentment (holding grudges).
Jealousy or envy.
Super-irresponsibility or not keeping agreements.
Nondisclosure of self (including fear of “being found out”).
Dishonesty or manipulative tendencies.
Avoidance of commitments (including fear of “being trapped”).
Overuse of defense mechanisms (e.g. denial, blame…).
After going through this checklist are you encouraged that you are in a pretty good place and capable of creating and maintaining healthy relationships? If not, what areas appear to be weaknesses that you might want to address to have the capacity for better relationships.
“The unexamined life is not worth living” Socrates