Have you heard the song I DON’T by Danielle Peck. There is a repeated refrain that says:
You say I should stay with you
that Jesus forgives you.
You pray that I will, but I won’t.
The difference is
Jesus loves you, I don’t
Blunt verbiage. This woman was over it with this guy. No more excuses and repeated apologies. Move on cowboy. Apparently this man deserved rejection based on his repeated transgressions.
Rejections happen, deserved or not. Some rejections are more gentle. The Seinfeld way that emphasizes “it not you, it’s me” would be an example (and if you believe that I would like to sell you some waterfront property in the Negev desert!). There are many forms of rejections, verbal and non verbal. Perhaps you have received or delivered a few yourself. There is pain in rejection. What do you do with it? When rejected, some people cry, go to self pity, get PO’ed, blame someone else, socially withdraw, eat or drink too much, or go out and “prove” how good you are by becoming promiscuous.
Rejection can shake your confidence. It can also serve as a wake-up call to change some behaviors that are not in your best interest. Here are a few steps to help you, or someone you care about, benefit from and bounce back from rejection and begin a process of rejuvenation.
1. INTROSPECTION: Evaluate yourself with some objectivity. Perhaps someone else, who knows you well or is trained to perform this function, can assist you in this self knowledge endeavor. I will never forget the time when a man in therapy with me said, “Thanks, John, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.” This person was open to knowing things about himself that he was not conscious of. We all have some blind spots. It is important to know what are our strengths and weaknesses. If you are open to seeing your faults you have a good shot at changing them. Awareness is the first step.
2. INNER RESOURCEFULNESS: Some people need constant OUTSIDE reinforcement as to their value as a human being. These affirmation needs may be in the way of continual compliments, being liked by everybody under the sun, empty sexual conquests, being the center of attention always at a gathering, etc… The goal is to feel better from the inside out – to realize your inner core is spiritual, therefore, good. Find and keep faith, where it serves you well. “Jesus loves you…” Remember the words of another song, “This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine…”? That is the task of each of us, to realize our unique gifts, the light we bring to others. That doesn’t mean that everyone will see our light, appreciate our light, find it the right color – so there still may be some rejection in store. But being rejected will not be so painful because you will not interpret it as being that you are not good.
3. SUPPORT: Find good people to hang around with, people that care about you, who will be there for you with support, and needed guidance when asked for. There are so many good people in the world. Let them get to know you!