11 Ways To Instantly Connect With Anyone!

The word “Connection” is popular parlance in our current culture. People use the word connection in a variety of situations. I focus on it here to assist individuals to establish a positive relationship with another person. This is not particularly easy for many people, yet it is a significant need. There is some solid research, such as that by Matthew Lieberman of UCLA, that suggests that being social and connecting with others is as fundamental a human need as food, shelter, and water.  We are hard wired to be social. Lieberman found that when we feel social pain, lack of connection, it impacts the brain in the same area as physical pain. The emptiness and loneliness I get from clients in my office consistently verifies this. Thus, the rationale for this writing.

You might think that connecting in some depth with another is a simple natural act. However, such factors as shyness, self-consciousness, cynicism, pride, competitiveness, jealousy and arrogance are effective blockers to a quality connection. Be aware if any of these pejorative idiosyncrasies are a part of your communication style.

Dr. Travis Bradberry has written a quality article with the above noted title. I will list the eleven ways and add my own commentary.

  1. LEAVE A STRONG FIRST IMPRESSION: Most people decide whether they like you or not within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation justifying their initial reaction. Body language, tone, eye contact, etc… are key factors in making that good first impression.
  2. BE THE FIRST TO VENTURE BEYOND THE SUPERFICIAL: Move beyond the weather as a topic by sharing something a bit personal, something that is meaningful about you – without going on and on about it. Most of the time if you open up the other person will do the same. Superficial vapid banal conversation is boring and doesn’t make for connection.
  3. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS: Search for questions that help you understand what makes the other person tick, without getting too personal. Most people welcome your interest and want to talk about themselves.
  4. LEARN FROM THEM: By asking good questions you are showing an interest in knowing and learning from them. Thus, the other person feels important and more bonded to you.
  5. DON’T MAKE THEM REGRET REMOVING THE MASK: If a person does open up to you, continue to show interest and empathy even if their opinions do not jibe with yours.
  6. LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN THEM: Too often in our culture we look for the weakness in the other person. Thus, you can feel superior and judgmental, which keeps you psychologically safe, but disconnected. This is one of the most important lessons in life that I have learned and I try to do always, both personally and professionally.
  7. SMILE: People naturally mirror the body language of the person they are talking to. People like smiles and the persons that do it!
  8. USE THEIR NAME: Your name is an essential part of your identity and it is a bonding agent when used. Try to hear, remember, and use the other person’s name in conversation.
  9. FOLLOW THE PLATINUM RULE: This goes beyond the “golden rule”. This is about treating people the way THEY want to be treated. This makes the other person feel more comfortable, valued, and more likely to open up.
  10. DON’T MAKE IT A CONTEST: This encounter is not a one-up contest. Two egotistical persons really do not connect at any depth level.
  11. TURN OFF YOUR INNER VOICE: Too often your inner voice, thoughts going on in your head, stop you from really listening to the other person.

So, Respected Reader, if you have the desire to connect with someone beyond the superficial, use these tips. You may already be adept at such interaction, but these lessons can be reminder to use them or a source to expand your repertoire. Quality connections with good people feed the soul and enhance the quality of your life!

“The unexamined life is not worth living”     Socrates

Comments are closed.